Being kind to your neighbor:

Dear brothers, we are still tackling the social education of children, and today we will move to a new topic which is Be Bnevolent Towards Neighbors. In the past few lectures we talked about how the father should know the rights of his neighbor, and when he does so and fulfills his duties by being benevolent to him, his son will observe his behavior, and so he will practically learn how to treat the neighbors instead of lecturing him about the subject.

Remember that the most effective way in conveying knowledge and experience to children is to set up a good example for them, and when it comes to Da'wah (call) to Allah, setting a good example precedes calling people to Allah. 

I always mention the rights of the neighbor, and I address the parents and ask them to convey this experience and transactional act of worship to their children.

Social solidarity in Islam is based on residence and kinship:

Social solidarity is a contemporary term, so how should the social solidarity be manifested in Islam? This social solidarity is achieved either within kindred or among neighbors. It is achieved within kindred by maintaining kin ties, and it is achieved among neighbors by considering the neighbors' rights.

Each one of you has a brother, a cousin, a relative or a brother in law, and all of them are relatives either from the side of the mother or the side of the father. With regard to neighbors, some scholars considered that even the one who lives forty houses away from your house in all directions (east, west, north, south, up or down) is considered a neighbor. Thus, social solidarity in Islam is based on geography (your residential area) by fulfilling the rights of your neighbors, and it is based on maintaining kin ties.
Being kind to the neighbor means avoiding doing harm to him and tolerating his harm: 
First of all, if your neighbor is not a Muslim, if he is even an atheist or magus, he still has rights upon you. Thus, neighbors' rights should be fulfilled regardless of any other considerations. If your neighbor is a Muslim, then his rights are doubled because first he is your neighbor, and second he is a Muslim. If you have a cousin who lives next to you, his rights are tripled, for he is your neighbor, he is a Muslim and he is a relative. Unfortunately, man hurts his neighbor in every possible way, while in the past the Muslim used to honor his neighbor as much as possible. 

Amir Abdul Qadir Al-Jazai'ri was one of the heroes in North Africa, and when he was exiled to Damascus and resided in it, he used to have a very poor neighbor whose poverty forced him to offer his house for sale, but the price he was offered was very cheap, so he was so angry and he said, "I will never sell the neighborhood of the Amir for this trivial amount of money." The prince was told the story of his neighbor, so he called for him and gave him the price of his house, and he asked him to forget about selling the house, and he said, "I will never sell your neighborhood as well." 

Most of us mistakenly think that if we do not harm our neighbors then we fulfill their rights, but this is a naïve way of thinking, for honoring your neighbor does not mean refraining from harming him, but it means forbearing his harm. This reminds me of the following Ayah where Allah says:

﴾ And live with them honourably﴿ 

Every order in the Quran entails obligation. Do you believe that honoring your wife is not fulfilled only by avoiding insulting her? It is fulfilled when you forebear her bad behavior. 

Believing is a scientific, moral and aesthetic rank:

The believer is but an exalted rank of morals, knowledge and beauty, for the believer has a high taste in everything, his morals are very exalted and he comprehends the facts about universe in the best ways. I have told you before that the prefix "Dr." precedes the name of someone who finishes his elementary, secondary and high education, and he acquires his license and his doctor's degree. Thus, all of these stages are summarized in the prefix "Dr." 

Much in the same line,  a believer means someone who is honest (and he is better than a million dishonest doctors), who is knowledgeable, who knows Allah, who  realizes the purpose of his existence, who is disciplined, who is moral, who does not fornicate, who does not lie, who does not cheat and who does not betray. In brief,  the believer is but an exalted rank of morals, knowledge and beauty. Accordingly, it is naivety to think that you will fulfill your neighbor's right by abstaining from hurting him. By Allah, you are mistaken if you think in such a way, for you will not fulfill his right until you remain patient on his harm (done to you). 

The Prophet PBUH once taught his companions to be kind to their neighbors.  A man complained to the Prophet PBUH against his neighbor, so the Prophet PBUH said to him, "How about cutting his tongue off?" A naïve man might understand it literally (i.e. to cut off his tongue by a pair of seizures), but the Prophet PBUH meant to be kind to his neighbor so that  he would  protect himself from his neighbor's harm by his kindness. Try it yourself; if you have a bad neighbor, give him a gift for example, and his behavior towards you will change, he will control his tongue and he will even apologize to you, but fighting with him and taking him to the court will lead him to behave badly with you, so be kind to him instead.
Abu Hanifah, the knowledgeable venerable religious scholar, had a noisy troublesome drunkard neighbor. He was a singer, and he used to bother the whole neighborhood with his loud voice. His favorite song was: 
They have ruined me, and what a great man they have ruined!

One night, Abu Hanifah did not hear any noise coming from the neighbor's house, so he asked about him, and he was told that for some reason or another, the governor imprisoned him. Being highly respected by the governor, Abu Hanifah helped his neighbor, the young profligate singer, to get out of prison, although the governor did not expect that Abu Hanifah, the venerable religious scholar, would himself come to intercede for such profligate man. After he was released, Abu Hanifah took him by his horse, and he asked him, "O man! You keep singing, 'They have ruined me, and what a great man they have ruined!' Have we really ruined you?!" The young man said, "No, you have not, and I will never sing again." 

Dialogue is the means to solve problems:

The sinners never have the chance to find a big heart to embrace them and to take their hand to Allah:

((Once, a young man came to the Prophet PBUH asking his permission to commit fornication. The Companions rebuked and hushed him, but the Prophet PBUH said, "Leave him alone. O servant of Allah, come closer." The young man did, and then the Prophet PBUH said, "Do you like it for your mother?" The man said, "No", to which the Prophet PBUH commented, "Nor do people. Do you like it for your daughter?" He answered, "No", to which the Prophet PBUH said, "Nor do people. Do you like it for you sister?" "No", the young man replied. Then the Prophet PBUH said, "Nor do people. Do you like it for you aunt?" The young man answered, "No." Then the man said, "Be my witness, as I repent of fornication." In another narration he said, "I came to the Prophet PBUH and fornication was the dearest thing to me, but I went out and it was the most detestable thing to me."))

These are the Prophetic instructions. The PBUH resorted to a logical dialogue to convince man to stop thinking about that major sin. Do the same thing with your son, when he errs instead of suppressing or hitting him. Also, talk to him kindly and show him his mistake. The Prophet PBUH said:

((Instruct other people and do not rebuke them, because the instructor is better than the rebuker))

One of the axiomatic things regarding being benevolent to your neighbor is to bear his harm done to you, not only abstain from wronging him.
The good word, the gift, cooperation and forgiveness are the basics of love among people:

Dear brothers, pay attention to the following Hadith, please: 

((Mu'awiyah lbn Haidah relates that the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) said, "The rights of the neighbor upon you are that;
-    If he falls ill you visit (and take care of) him;
-    if he dies you attend his funeral (and take part in the burial arrangements);
-    if he commits an evil deed, you prevent it from being known (i.e. do not give publicity to it);
-    if he is favored by good-fortune, you congratulate him;
-    if a calamity befalls him, you grieve in sympathy with him;
-    you restrain from erecting your building higher than his in such a way that the passage of fresh air is blocked from his house (unless you obtained his consent) and further,
-    (You take care that) the aroma of your cooking pot does not cause sorrow to him (and his children) except that you send some of it (the food) to him."))

In this blessed town, the pious ancestors used to send to their neighbor who welcomes a guest a plate of food, so that neighbor would receive about 30 plates of food,  which used to amaze the guest. In fact,  when I was young, neighbors used to send to each other plates of food due to the affection they had among them, and let me tell you that this habit is able to be refreshed if you become benevolent to your neighbor, and  this will establish mutual trust between you two.

A brother told me once that he knew a man who was on a travel, and his son was ran over by a car, so what did his neighbor do? That neighbor took the injured son to the medical center, and he kept taking him to different hospitals to complete his treatment and to have all the needed x-rays. When the father came back two days later, he found out that his neighbor took care of his son as if that son were his own, so it is really nice when neighbors are like that. Having good neighbors makes you feel that you live among dear people, and this endearment among you can be achieved through the good word, exchanging gifts, cooperation and compromising.

Every person but has neighbors, so this lesson is important to each one of us. Some fathers nowadays give their kindergarten son 500 Liras as allowance, and I noticed that myself.  Is it rational to give a very little boy 500 every day? Is it rational to give your little son a 150 Lira snack, while other children cannot afford to have that snack? This is very harmful behavior, so I hope that every father gives his son the kind of snacks and food which are affordable by other kids, like a sandwich, an apple or other affordable snacks, and he can give his son the expensive food at home.

Being generous to your guest is part of your faith:

The Prophet PBUH connected honoring the neighbor with man's faith:

((Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day be generous to his neighbor))

It has been said, "Neighbors are of three kinds: a neighbor who has a right upon you even if he is Mushrik, non-Muslim or  magus, a neighbor who has two rights upon you if  he is a Muslim and a neighbor who has three rights upon you if he is a Muslim and a relative to you. 

Dear brothers, pay attention to the following Hadith: 

((Mujahid reported that a sheep was slaughtered for 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr. He asked his slave, 'Have you given any to our Jewish neighbour? I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'Jibril kept on recommending that I treat my neighbours well until I thought that he would order me to treat them as my heirs.'"))

[Al-Bukhari, on the authority of Abdullah bin Umar]

The Prophet PBUH stood up when a funeral of a Jew passed by, so some people said, "He is a Jew", so the Prophet PBUH said, "Is not he a human being?"

Islam is humane:

Dear brothers, Islam is humane. The western countries meet the needs of their citizens beyond imagination, but they hideously kill other nations, and they are racist. The best of value is to be humanitarian. You can notice how the president of any western country does his best to serve his people, but he makes other nations starve to death. His society is racist and as long as racism exists, violence will never stop. 

I would like to refer to some Prophetic commandments indicated in the following Hadith: 

((On the authority of  Abi Bishr Ja'far bin Abu Jyas: "I heard Abbad bin Shurahbil, a man from Banu Ghubar, say: 'We suffered a year of famine, and I came to Al-Madinah. I came to one of its gardens and took an ear of corn, I rubbed it, ate some and put the rest in my garment. The owner of the garden came and beat me and took my garment. I came to the Prophet (PBUH) and told him (what had happened). He said to the man: "You did not feed him when he was hungry and you did not teach him when he was ignorant."' Then the Prophet (PBUH) told him to give back his garment and ordered that a Wasq or half a Wasq of food be brought to him."))

[Sunan Ibn Majah]

These Prophetic commandments should be adopted by all countries.  Before you say to someone, "You are a thief", you should ask yourself about the causes that make him behave in a certain way. He might have stolen food, because he was hungry, or because he did not know that stealing is Haram. Will you teach him if he is ignorant (of what Haram is and what Halal is)? Will you feed him if he is hungry? The Prophet PBUH taught us how to solve any problem starting with looking for the causes  instead of solving the problem when the damage is done. 

Westerners keep claiming that they are  fighting terrorism which is a must, but have they held any conference to search for the reasons of terrorism? What do you expect from a Palestinian whose father, mother and brothers were killed, his house was destroyed, his farm was curetted and his well was filled with sand? Surely, he will take revenge, because his enemy's cruelty, oppression and tyranny made him a terrorist. 

Oppression is the reason behind terrorism in the world:

I hope that an international conference is held to search deeply for the reasons behind terrorism. The main reason will be oppression. The Prophet PBUH said:

((The earth will be filled with oppression and injustice, till my brother Jesus comes down to fill it with equality and justice.))

[Ibn Majah, on the authority of Abdullah]

Apply this rule in your daily life, and give your children the same allowance, for example, and see how they will all love you (because of your fairness). I was once in an African country, when I received a phone call from an honorable sister who said to me, "We are nine sisters, and we have only one brother. Our father owns millions, but he gave it all to our brother and deprived the nine of us of his wealth."  Here is a Hadith regarding this point: 

((Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet (PBUH) said: "A man or a woman acts in obedience to Allah for sixty years, then when they are about to die they cause injury by their will, so they must go to Hell."))

[Mentioned in the relic]

Can you imagine how serious the situation is? If someone is unfair in his will, and he gives his son all his money and deprives his daughters of it, he nullifies all his prayers, fasting, Hajj, Zakat and all his worship, and he deserves to enter Hell-Fire. This is religion, but unfortunately there is prevailing ignorance among people with regard to applying it properly.

Meeting your neighbor's needs is part of being kind to him:

Scholars said, "Among the acts of honoring your neighbor is to give him whatever he requests like water, salt or utensils (like pots, knifes, sieve… etc.)". Interpreters of the Noble Quran commented on the following Ayah:

﴾ And refuse Al-Ma'un (small kindnesses e.g. salt, sugar, water, etc.). ﴿ 

[Al-Maa'oon, 7]

They said, "Refusing Al-Ma'un is to let down your neighbor when he asks you to lend him something."

Dear brothers, the pious ancestors used to perform many good deeds in this blessed city. A brother once told me about a house in old Damascus in an area called Al-Amarah. He said that in the yard of that house, there was a lemon tree, and the owner of that house was very pious and religiously committed, and she was a true believer. She used to give the lemons of that tree to all neighbors. After many years, she died, leaving her daughter in law in the house, and one day a person knocked on their door and asked for a lemon, but that daughter in law said to him, "We do not have lemons", so the word spread that people could no longer take lemons from that house, but after one month, that lemon tree dried and died. 

A brother said to me, "There were 17 farms in an area called Khan Ash-Sheeh in Damascus Countryside, and among those farms there was one farm whose owner used to allow the sheepherders to water their sheep. Besides, he built for them a basin and filled it with water so that the sheep would drink water from it. By Allah, by the passage of time, the wells of all farms dried except for that one." Seek Allah's Face in your deeds and watch the outcome, for when you are kind to your neighbor, Allah will be kind to you, when you honor your neighbor, He will honor you back, when you help those around you, Allah will help you and when you give  aid to those in need, you will get aid from Allah.

 ((O Son of Adam, be to Me as I want, and I will Be to you as you want, be to Me as I want, and do not inform Me what pleases you.))

[Mentioned in the relic]

The believer is the one whom people entrust with their money and honor: 

If people close their doors to protect themselves, their families and money from their neighbor, then this neighbor is not a believer, for the believer is the one whom people entrust with their money and honor. When neighbors deal with one another with affection, exalted faith and morals, one of them will feel like his neighbors are like his brothers and he be tranquil beyond belief.

Abdullah bin Al-Mubarak, who happened to be one of the most notable scholars, used to have a Jew neighbor. That Jew neighbor was in hardship and he intended to sell his house, and upon being asked about the price he said, "I want 2000 for it", but the man said, "Your house is worth only 1000, so why do you ask for 2000?" He said, "You are absolutely right; 1000 is the price of the house, and the other 1000 is for the neighborhood of Abdullah bin Al-Mubarak." When the scholar heard about that, he gave his Jew neighbor the 1000 and kept him in his house (so he did not have to sell it any more). This is the way neighbors should deal with one another. That Jew neighbor experienced the benevolence of that scholar. Allah says:

﴾ "Our Lord! Make us not a trial for the disbelievers﴿ 

[Al-Mumtahinah, 5]

When the Muslim lies to others, cheats them, and falls behind in his duties, the non-Muslims will disregard Islam, won't they? They also will feel that their Kufr is better than this religion. When you wrong the Kafir, you are convincing him that his Kufr is the right thing. It is a grave mater to wrong non-Muslims, simply because they will not say, "Such and such person wronged me", but rather they will say, "Islam is bad, and had it not been bad, this person would have never wronged me." Thus, count to billion before you wrong a non-Muslim.

Justice and Ihsan (benevolence):

Dear brothers, the first aspect of honoring  your neighbor is to bear his harm in the sense that when he wrongs you, you go silent and bear his harm, and by this reaction, you will almost reach the rank of Prophets, peace be upon them. Believe me, every person knows when he wrongs people, so if your neighbor wrongs you, he knows that very well, but when he realizes that you bear his harm and without any compliance, he will be ashamed and will admire you (and he will change his attitude). This is how you deal with your neighbor with benevolence. Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, says:

﴾ Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone - Islamic Monotheism) and Al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allah's sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet in a perfect manner]﴿ 

 [An-Nahl, 90]

Establishing justice is a must, whereas benevolence is voluntary. Another aspect of benevolence towards neighbors is to protect your neighbor from others' harm. Sometimes a weak man may have a very mean neighbor and the latter might transgress him, so if he has a powerful neighbor, the latter can stop that mean person from wronging the weak neighbor, and this is one of the most exalted kinds of benevolence towards neighbors.

Forgiveness principle:

There is a kind of culture that is called applying forgiveness principle. Some people never forget others' errors, and when someone wrongs them, they keep it in mind, and they remind that person of his error. As long as you remind someone of his error, he will fall in despair from being reformed. The exalted societies are the ones whose members give the wrongdoer a second chance to become a good man, and by giving him that chance, the wrongdoer may repent from his error, and if he repents, you should treat him as someone who has never erred. The Prophet PBUH mentioned that in the following Hadith:
 

((It was narrated from Abu 'Ubadah bin 'Abdullah, that his father said, "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: 'The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.'"))

[Ibn Majah, on the authority of Abdullah bin Mas'ud]

Unless you adopt principle (forgiveness principle) and give wrongdoers a second chance, they will never repent. A brother, who lives in the United States, said to me, "In our country there is a record for every citizen, and this record is very important. If someone wants to travel, if he wants to have a job or if he wants to do anything, he will be asked to show his record in which every shortcoming of his is mentioned starting with the unpaid fines and ending with being jailed, but if two years pass and this person never errs again during them, his errors will be automatically deleted." 

Man should give wrongdoers a second chance to repent: 

Give people a second chance when they err. As a father, give your children a second chance and if he changes himself, forget his error for good and never remind him of it. Unfortunately, we do not adopt this principle and the majority of people remind others of their errors though the latter may have repented from them, may have changed and may have become exalted. When we never forgive others and you never forget their wrongdoings, we commit a grave mistake as members in any society. The believer should forgive the one who wrongs him. The Prophet PBUH said:

((Nine things the Lord has commanded me: Fear Allah in private and in public; Justness, whether in anger or in calmness; Moderation in both poverty and affluence; That I should join hands with those who break away from me; and to give those who deprived from me and to forgive those who wronged me; And that my silence should be meditation; And my words remembrance of Allah; And my vision keen observation.))

[Razin, on the authority of Abi Hurairah]

The following event from the Sirah (Prophetic Biography) manifested the forgiveness of the Prophet towards even the wrongdoer:  

((There was so much dread and fear everywhere that Hatib bin Balta'ah, one of the most trusted followers of the Prophet [PBUH] secretly despatched a female messenger with a letter to Makkah containing intimation of the intended attack. The Prophet [PBUH] received news from the heaven of Hatib's action and sent Ali and Al-Miqdad, may Allah be pleased with them, with instructions to go after her. They overtook the messenger, and after a long search discovered the letter carefully hidden in her locks. The Prophet [PBUH] summoned Hatib and asked him what had induced him to this act. He replied, "O Messenger of Allâh [PBUH]! I have no affinity of blood with Quraish; there is only a kind of friendly relationship between them and myself. My family is at Makkah and there is no one to look after it or to offer protection to it. My position stands in striking contrast to that of the refugees whose families are secure due to their blood ties with Quraish. I felt that since I am not related to them, I should, for the safety of my children, earn their gratitude by doing good to them. I swear by Allâh that I have not done this act as an apostate, forsaking Islam. I was prompted only by the considerations I have just explained."
'Umar wanted to cut his head off as a hypocrite, but the Prophet [PBUH] accepted his excuse and granted him pardon, then addressed Umar saying: "Hatib is one of those who fought in the battle of Badr. How do you know that he is a hypocrite? Allâh is likely to look favorably on those who participated in that battle. Turning then, to Hatib, he said: "Do as you please, for I have forgiven you."))

After that incident the Prophet PBUH appointed him as his representative in other countries in order to make him feel that he PBUH trusted him. Forgiveness is an exalted principle.

If you are a manager and you have workers who make mistakes, give them another chance to reform themselves and be better people. Also, if you are a father and one of your children errs, persuade him of repenting and give him hope that if he repents he will be forgiven as if he did nothing and then treat him as if he never erred. 

Your neighbor may err, so you should not remind him of his error, and you should not talk about his error behind his back, for in this case you are not leaving any room for him to repent, and he will lose hope of being able to be a better person. Accustom yourself as a father, as a teacher, as a manager, as a store owner, as a factory owner and as an employee to forgive those who wrong you, and to forget about their mistakes. When you forgive your neighbor who wrongs you, you remind him that as the poet said, "To err is human."

((Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said: "All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often." Related by At•Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah with a strong chain of narrators.))

[At-Tirmizi, on the authority of  Anas]

Forgiveness is priceless:

Dear brothers, some people are very good in turning their friends into enemies, whereas others are good in turning enemies into friends. A man used to torture the companions and kill them, so he was captivated and brought to the Prophet PBUH then he was tied to a pillar in the Masjid. The Prophet PBUH passed by him while he was tied, so the man said to him, "O Muhammad, if you want I will give you money as much as you want to set me free, or you may forgive me and Allah may reward you for your forgiveness." He offered the Prophet PBUH two choices, so what did the Prophet PBUH choose? He PBUH forgave him. After that incident, the man offered Ghusl, came back to the Prophet PBUH and embraced Islam. 

Bear in mind that forgiveness is priceless. When the Prophet PBUH conquered Makkah, he could have ended the existence of Kuffar who tortured his companions, but he said to them, 

(("What do you think I will do with you?" They said, "Only good, O noble brother, son of a noble brother." The Prophet PBUH said, "Go, you are free."))

[The Prophetic biography]

If your neighbor wronged you, visit him on Eid to show him the exalted behavior of the believer and how good-mannered he is.

The believer is a beacon who helps those in need:

To sum up, when your son sees you treating your neighbor kindly, strengthening ties with him, visiting him, meeting his needs and giving him aid, he will learn from you the rights of neighbors. I was told that many years ago, a man who was addicted to liquors became poor, so he asked his neighbor for help, and his neighbor gave him a golden Lira. That gift created affection between him and his neighbor until the latter repented to Allah. Once that believer knocked on his neighbor's door, and to his surprise, his wife told him that he was praying, and that he got used to recite the Quran after prayers. Hence, it is great to see how the believer treats the non-believer kindly, because this kindness will make them closer to one another, and it gives hope that in the future the bad neighbor may repent. The believer is just like a shining star. The Prophet PBUH described the Awliya' (friends) of Allah as: 

((Those who when you see (their faces and appearance) remind you of Allah.))

[Al-Al-Baihaqi on the authority of Umar]

As a believer in your neighborhood and in your building, you should be like a shining star through your kindness, intimacy, exalted manners, and affection towards all your neighbors. These traits will make them imitate you, and when you establish this exalted connection with your neighbors, and they notice your loftiness, you can then gather them and call them to Allah. Your success lies in guiding your neighbors to Allah.

Today's lesson is about the neighbor's rights, and last lecture was about kin ties. We, as Du'aat (callers to Allah) may assume that we preach only, but it is not enough to preach, for you can be an influential Da'iyah when you are benevolent to others, when you look after the family of your neighbor who is on a travel and when you meet their needs. Your benevolence to his family will create affection when he comes back and sees what you have done to them. Think of offering a good deed every day, and start with the closest people to you (i.e. your neighbors).

If you have a poor neighbor, a weak neighbor or a neighbor who has got many children, you can give the children gifts for example on Eid or you can offer them your services. Win people's hearts by offering good deeds and remember that your neighbor is the closest person to you. 

I have started this lecture by talking about the social solidarity in Islam which can be achieved by looking after your neighbors and being kind to them and by maintaining kin ties, for neighbors and kindred are the great social sources of man's security. Is there any person who has no relatives? Is there anyone who has no neighbors? No, there is not. The powerful neighbor is supposed to look after the weak one, the rich neighbor is expected to look after the poor one and the one who has a high position in the government should look after the one who has no one to help him, and so forth.